Tag Archives: relationships

Fess up, sometimes you’ve got horrible body language

nonverbalcommimage

We are all guilty of displaying improper and off-putting body language at some point in our careers. Whether avoiding eye contact during an interview, or impatiently tapping our fingers on the table during a management meeting, our nonverbal communication conveys a distinct impression – no matter your intended message.

This week, the Business Insider published an article calling out nine nonverbal behaviors that generally turn people off and can be really annoying.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I am guilty of the crossed arms. When engrossed in a conversation, it is an automatic response that says I am in deep thought and listening; however, according to the article, my body language suggests that I’m hoping my co-worker leaves me alone and goes on his merry way.

The good news is that my nonverbal communication does not channel Kanye West, the article’s poster child for forgetting to smile.

It’s always a good thing to do a mental and visual check-in to ensure we convey the true meaning of our intentions. Think I hear a New Year’s resolution calling…

What’s your nonverbal no-no? Leave us a reply below.

About the Blogger: Kesi Stribling

Kesi Stribling, Editor, Ask The Strategist
Kesi Stribling, Editor, Ask The Strategist

 

What’s Wrong with a Little Workplace Romance?

DawnMaslarTV

Posted by Dawn Maslar

Bobby and Sherri have been married for seven years. They didn’t meet online, at a bar, or on a blind date – they met on the job. In fact, Bobby was Sherri’s supervisor. Today, the couple run their own husband and wife business and their company is flourishing.

Most people would consider this the ideal romantic situation: two individuals who understand and trust each other, and are working toward a common goal in the workplace. In fact, you might wonder why an employer wouldn’t encourage this type of situation. Well, some actually do.

Ultimately, it’s not the long-term loving, trusting and understanding relationship of two people working together that is discouraged by management. It’s the crazy beginning stage of the union that employers would like to avoid.

Back to Bobby and Sherri

Bobby and Sherri didn’t instantly fall into their amazing stable relationship. They, like most couples, went through phases. The stable part is the last stage, but to get there, you have to go through the first rather crazy phase: sexual attraction.

All relationships go through this phase, and you might wonder, “What’s wrong with that?” Physical attraction is one of our oldest and most basic drives. It’s also fun, tantalizing and alluring. The problem is what this attraction does to your brain.

When you are physically attracted to someone, your body releases norepinephrine. You’ve probably experienced this sensation: Someone walks into the room, smiles at you, and you are instantly charmed. All of a sudden, you feel flush, your heart starts beating faster, your palms sweat, and you can’t think. This person has your complete attention. All you want to do is get to know this person better, preferably without clothes.

As lovely and enticing as this experience might feel, it’s bad for business. The problem is norepinephrine is part of your fight-or-flight response. When it floods your system, it literally disconnects the thinking part of your brain. That’s the part your company is paying you to bring to work. Now that the thinking part is off-line, you are only left with your primitive instincts.

Students studying biology call this response “The 4 F’s:” fight, flight, feed, or “fun.” The next thing you know, your work is piling-up on your desk while you and the object of your attention are sneaking off to canoodle. Not, much work is getting done, because even if you wanted to, your thinking is completely disrupted.

At the same time, your body is also producing endorphins, those fun additive pain-relievers that are comparable to heroine. You can’t eat, you can’t sleep, and you can’t work. You have constant intrusive thoughts about seeing your beloved again, and again, and again. You’re addicted, but because of the endorphins you don’t care; nor, are you concerned that your work is not getting done and your boss is getting upset. All you care about is getting one more fix.

The bottom line

Although the thought of the perfect husband and wife combo working together side by side, like Sherri and Bobby, would be ideal to many companies, most frown upon fraternizing. They simply want to avoid the beginning phase of addicted obsessed employees leaving their brains at home and only bringing the bodies to work.

Talk back to us: Have you ever dated someone in the workplace? Did it work out for you? Share your story in the comment section below.

ABOUT THE BLOGGER: DAWN MASLAR

Dawn Maslar, Love Biologist
Dawn Maslar, Love Biologist

Dawn Maslar, MS is an award-winning author, biology professor and the go-to authority on the science of love. She’s a former radio talk show host and currently speaks and blogs about the science of love on her website http://www.dawnmaslar.com and popular YouTube channel at DawnMaslarTV. Her groundbreaking work has been featured on Fox 31, Daytime TV and NPR.

DISCLAIMER: ASK THE STRATEGIST is a blog that highlights information on business, entrepreneurship, careers and the workplace, health, community, and women. Any content or advice dispensed through Ask The Strategist is solely for informational and entertainment purposes. Never miss ASK THE STRATEGIST blog posts! Have them delivered to your inbox by subscribing.

5 Questions with Dawn Maslar, Love Biologist

Dawn Maslar, MS, Love Biologist, joined us for a conversation on love on The Strategy Sessions yesterday. Our time ended so quickly, we did not have a chance to ask a few more burning questions. We are continuing the conversation on 5 Questions With, a behind-the-scenes Q & A with our radio show guests after the interviews conclude.

5 Questions with Dawn Maslar

Dawn Maslar Love Biologist
Dawn Maslar Love Biologist

ATS: We live in a society that is vastly different than that of, say 15 or 20 years ago, when men were the primary bread winners. How has the role reversal – women now being the primary or sole financial provider in the household – changed relationships? How has the “science” of love been changed because of this phenomenon?

Dawn Maslar: Changes in society can complicate love. Love and our brains have been evolving for millions of years. Biologically we can’t change as fast as society can change.

So let’s take a look at your example of the breadwinner dynamic. One complaint I hear from woman is that they can’t find a good man – one that has a good job, who’s loyal and supportive.

Studies show us that a man’s testosterone level is highest when he is single and looking for a partner. Women also produce testosterone, and if she is a go-getter at work, she’s probably testosterone driven.

So here’s the problem, when two males meet, they other compete or jockey for dominance until they reach a place of mutual respect. Most of us have seen that and understand it. Some women understand and operate very well in that dynamic also. That’s the tomboy or “one of the guys” type girl. She’s not the girl the guys usually ask out.

When a man gets in a relationship his testosterone starts dropping. Its mother nature’s way of helping to keep him around, which is important if you have a baby. If he feels needed, he gets a win and a little boost of testosterone that makes him feel good. But, if he doesn’t win – for example, if she makes more money and he doesn’t feel appreciated – his testosterone can go lower. His lowering testosterone can cause him to wander off looking for a win. In some cases it can push him to succeed, in others it can cause him to cheat or just leave.

A woman can be a breadwinner and have great success, but she just shouldn’t forget to appreciate her man.

ATS: Dawn Maslar TV, your YouTube channel, has videos that include tips on finding love, dating disasters, and why women choose the wrong men. What has been the response to your videos?

Dawn Maslar: The response has tremendous. I’ve been getting about a thousand views a day for the last several months. I expect it to only increase as I keep adding videos.

Several people have approached me about blogging and sharing my content on there sites. I believe people really enjoy learning about themselves.

ATS: During our interview with you on The Strategy Sessions, we talked more about women and dating. Men aren’t immune to making bad choices when it comes to selecting mates. What are the top three mistakes, in general, men make, and what are some tips to help them improve how they connect with women?

Dawn Maslar: I’ve been coaching women for years, but rarely work with men. So, I asked this question on Facebook, just to make sure I was on the right track. The feedback I received was amazing. This question really strikes a nerve with people. But, the most interesting part was everyone was saying just about the same thing. Well… except for the guy that didn’t think men made mistakes.

 Here are the top mistakes men make when selecting a mate:

1. Thinking that women are just cuter, sexier, softer versions of men.

Some men (and women) don’t realize we think differently. Our brains are actually formed differently because we are made for different things. We understand that our bodies are different, but for some reason we find it harder to believe that our brains are that different.

For example, women tend to be more emotional and respond differently to stress. As Mather of the University of Southern California explained in Psychological Science, “at difficult times, men are inclined to fight or flight, while women try to bond more and improve relationships.” [1] In general, females are biologically built for relationships, nurturing, and love, while men are built for competing, providing, and sex.

In today’s society when we are working together, we don’t notice the difference as much, but these differences really come into play when we start dating and can become a major stumbling block.

2. Leading with the eyes (or other parts).

Men are visual beings. They have 25% more visual neurons than women. That’s one of the reasons he places a higher importance of observable cues.

As Louann Brizendine, M.D. points out in her book, The Male Brain, men have been biologically selected over millions of years to focus on fertile females. Most of them aren’t even aware that they’re programmed to zoom in on certain features that indicate reproductive health. Researchers have found that the attraction to an hourglass figure – large breasts, small waist, flat stomach and full hips – is ingrained in men across all cultures.”[2]

In addition to this, all sexual relationships begin with sexual desire. Therefore, men are drawn to what they consider to be sexually desirable first. Now, a few women might balk at that statement, but I would refer her back to mistake #1.

3. Thinking a relationship is a fix.

This is the final mistake that both men and women are guilty of in relationships. There are two ways this can happen. Often a man will be attracted to a woman he tries to rescue. This is the classic damsel in distress story. If he saves her, she will be grateful and love him forever.

Conversely, a lot of women believe “he’s not perfect but I can rebuild him.” It’s like the old 70’s show about the bionic man. The other person believes they can rebuild him or her. They can make him or her better then they were, better, stronger, faster.

Unfortunately, as well meaning as these beliefs are, they just don’t work. Falling in love requires both people to be emotionally and mentally comfortable with themselves. Our brains go through a biochemical upheaval, and if we are not comfortable with ourselves, it can get pretty crazy.

ATS: Since writing your book, From Heartbreak to Heart’s Desire: Developing a Healthy GPS (Guy Picking System), has your outlook on changed or altered, and if so, how?

Dawn Maslar: Yes, my outlook has changed slightly. I believe that we never graduate and a relationship is never perfect. But, I believe we keep growing and that our relationships help with that.

From my research into the science of love, I believe that we are being pulled into the direction of love. Not just for our primary relationship, but for all relationships, including those with the planet and other creatures.

ATS: In addition to speaking engagements, and the course at Kaplan University, you also offer one-on-one consultations. What services do you offer?

Dawn Maslar: I have a coaching service. I also have several coaches that work with me. We provide one-on-one coaching by phone, Skype, and in person. I’m also available for consulting on popexpert.com and the Learning Annex.

My Developing a Healthy GPS (Guy Picking System) self-study course is available on Udemy and the DailyOM.


[1] Association for Psychological Science (2012, February 28). Stress changes how people make decisions. ScienceDaily. Retrieved September 4, 2012, form http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/02/120228114308.htm

[2] Brizendine, Louann The Male Brain 2010 Random House New York, NY.

Connect with Dawn Maslar

Website: www.dawnmaslar.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/dawn.maslar and www.facebook.com/lovebiologist (Love Nerds page)

Twitter: www.twitter.com/dawnmaslar

YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/user/dawnmaslar/videos

Email: Lovebiologist@gmail.com

About the Blogger: Kesi Stribling

Kesi Stribling, Editor, Ask The Strategist
Kesi Stribling, Editor, Ask The Strategist

DISCLAIMER: ASK THE STRATEGIST is a blog that highlights information on business, entrepreneurship, careers and the workplace, health, community, and women. Any content or advice dispensed through Ask The Strategist is solely for informational and entertainment purposes. Never miss ASK THE STRATEGIST blog posts! Have them delivered to your inbox by subscribing.

When Love Meets Science on the 2/4/14 Episode of The Strategy Sessions

Dawn Maslar, Love Biologist, Author, and Professor, joins us on The Strategy Sessions radio show on Tuesday, February 4, 2014, 11:00 a.m. – 11:30 a.m. ET to talk about the biology of love, what attracts people to one another, and how science signals who we may end up with as mates.

Dawn Maslar, Science of Love
Dawn Maslar, Science of Love

Dawn Maslar, MS is an  award-winning author, biology professor, and former radio talk show host. Dawn is known as the love biologist, a growing new breed of scientists, using her formal training to research and educate with social media. Her goal is to make biology fun, informative and relevant. She currently speaks, blogs, and vlogs about the science of love on her wildly successful website www.dawnmaslar.com and YouTube channel at DawnMaslarTV.

WHO:
Dawn Maslar, MS, Love Biologist
Kesi Stribling, Host of The Strategy Sessions radio show

WHAT:
The Strategy Sessions radio show
Episode: When Love Meets Science: A Conversation with Dawn Maslar

WHEN:
Tuesday, February 4, 2014 at 11:00 a.m. (EST)

LISTEN:
Listen LIVE or download the podcast on iTunes by visiting
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/thestrategysessions.

Listeners may call into the show studio with questions for Dawn Maslar (347) 539-5143, email talkback@ksgsc.com, or post questions on http://www.facebook.com/thestrategysessions. Twitter hashtag #TheStrategySessions.

ABOUT THE STRATEGY SESSIONS

Airs LIVE on he 1st & 3rd Tuesdays at 11:00 a.m. ET
Airs LIVE on he 1st & 3rd Tuesdays at 11:00 a.m. ET

Originally a virtual interview started in 2005 featuring local leaders in business, The Strategy Sessions has evolved into a respected radio show on BlogTalkRadio that features top strategists in business, entrepreneurship, careers, youth, women’s issues, community, and health. The Strategy Sessions airs live on the first and third Tuesdays of the month at 11:00 a.m. ET, and is hosted by career, marketing, and business strategist, Kesi Stribling. One of 300 featured hosts of the more than 16,000 shows on BlogTalkRadio, Kesi employs her hallmark interviewing style to cultivate innovative and engaging conversations with guests, including leaders of the U.S. Small Business Administration, AAA, Ladies America, LifeLock, Design Industries Foundation Fighting AIDS, American Express, DC Department of Homeland Security and Emergency Management, the American Heart Association, Lockheed Martin, and Internships.com. For more information, or to download the podcast, visit http://www.blogtalkradio.com/thestrategysessions

About the Blogger: Kesi Stribling

Kesi Stribling, Editor, Ask The Strategist
Kesi Stribling, Editor, Ask The Strategist

DISCLAIMER: ASK THE STRATEGIST is a blog that highlights information on business, entrepreneurship, careers and the workplace, health, community, and women. Any content or advice dispensed through Ask The Strategist is solely for informational and entertainment purposes. Never miss ASK THE STRATEGIST blog posts! Have them delivered to your inbox by subscribing.